Both are easy: it is perfectly easy to go unconscious in sex, to completely forget what is going on, to get intoxicated is easy. To control sex, to force it to stop, to prevent yourself is also easy. But in both you miss. The one who indulges misses, the celibate misses too. The real 'Brahmacharya'(Celibacy) happens when you stand in the middle between these two, then you are only watching.
Then you will find that sex arises in the body and reverberates in the body; in the mind a shadow briefly falls and departs. You remain standing far away. How can sexual desire be in you? How can any desire be in you? You are nothing but the observer.
Just by condemning nothing is destroyed. If you say sex is bad, you condemn it, but you cannot destroy it. Just by condemning it, it is not destroyed. Rather, it may become a more dangerous force, because when repressed, it may struggle to be expressed. And if you go on struggling with it, not allowing it, it will become perverted. Repression will make you more sexual, and the sex energy will struggle and will try to come out in any way, in any form.
I take sex as the basic problem. And if your sex problem is solved, you are a different man or a different woman, because then all the perversions simply are no more. You have resolved the base. And when sex is solved and it is not a problem for you, not a fight, when you have deeply accepted it and said a deep yes to it, then you can transform it – because that is the energy which is alive in you.
When you are dead, that energy will go on and on, more and more. You are just a wave in a sex ocean: the ocean continues, and the waves go on, die and disappear. The ocean continues. Sex is the BRAHMAN. If you go deep into sex, then it is the very life. If you forget it, then you remain on the surface. Then it is ugly. If you do not fight with it or sink into it, but drop into it, dissolve into it, melt into it, when you allow sex to become life, then suddenly it is transformed into love.
That is how the mechanism automatically works. If you fight it, sex becomes hate. So those who are filled with hatred are those who are fighting with their sex. "
An added comment that I thought was very relevant.. by Haley Goswami on facebook:
""Sexual drives are innate to human existence . they can never go away , unless of course u actually realize god . and even when that happens it is not that the drive vanishes . rather it is like loosing taste for it when u get a sample of some higher taste .
In indian spiritual sadhana there are two paths - the nivritti marg or the path of renunciation , and the pravritti marg or the path of enjoyment . Tantric sadhana follows the latter nivritti marg, vedantic sadhana follows the former pravritti marg, it depends on the compatibility for each individual to chose his/her own path
The reason why brahmacharya is practiced is -- that sexual drive is the greatest agitator of mind, our mind has been compared to a lake whose waters are always in ripples, not allowing us to see the bottom ... once the ripples stop and the water becomes still , we shall be able to see the bottom . the ripples are the numerous desires ...our flickering mind...restless....and fleeting . that has to be cooled down through years and years of practice if we are to see the bottom ( truth ) . but amongst all desires , sex desire is the greatest agitator of mind . it creates the maximum ripples, thats why it acts as an impediment .
However mere suppression wont do any good, there is a thing called yukta vairagya -- renunciation plus love of god . dry renunication is bound to falter and fail . but when a person starts loving god deeply and then renunciates , it helps him control his sense gradually . essentially it is a matter of practice and perfection . most importantly such repression wont work unless u are prepared for it .
ramakrishna paramahamsa used to say , when your wound would heal up , the scab would aoutomatically drop off . but if u attempt to tear it forcefully it would cause another injury and bleeding .
nothing can happen unless the time is ripe and u are ready for it .
for the rest , there is always a scope of marrying instead of celibate life . or even the way of tantrica pravritti marg -- the path through enjoyment . ""